Friday, June 21, 2013
I STAND WITH YOU! I stand with you Pregnant Mamas-to-Be!
As a doula, I stand with you, pregnant mama-to-be! I stand with you! I stand with your unborn child, I stand with your husband or partner, I stand with the grandparents, I stand with the aunts, uncles and cousins, I hold a space of prayer and love for your entire family as the next generation is birthed. This is my passion, it is my calling, it is what I do. Pregnant mama, even though I may not know you, and for those I do know, I hold a space of love and support for you. I stand with you!
This past weekend, I had a lovely and honest conversation with a new mama. Her baby is now seven months old and just a cutie pie!
She began talking about her birth experience and I asked her if she had a doula at her birth, she said no. She also told me that she had been given my business card around her 3rd month of pregnancy but she never called me. I asked her why and she said it was financial and that during that time, she and her husband were having financial challenges. She was in labor for about 20 hours or so, the hospital was "strongly suggesting" an epidural and she eventually gave in and got one. Thankfully, she did not have a c-section. She confessed that she wished she had called me. I told her, I wished she had called me as well. She began to tear up because she realized that she could have done things much differently, and she would not have allowed the money to be an issue. (Note: I am not against women receiving epidurals if this is "her" choice. What I want to support women in doing is making informed choices so that they can go all out for themselves and their baby and stand in having the birth they truly desire to experience.) It is important to give 100% of yourself to this pregnancy and birth experience. When you do this, you will feel you've done your best postpartum. I have met so many women who were in regret, remorse for not having the birth they truly wanted. If this happened to you, please get the help you need, share the experience, forgive yourself and the hospital staff or individuals that participated in your decision making.
I informed her that when a woman wants to hire me, really feels it in her heart and money is an "issue," I work with couples to set up payment plans, make monthly payments that are doable for them. A payment schedule that supports them, as well as myself. I share this story because we can all make excuses as to why we cannot have this or that. You only get one opportunity to birth the child you are currently carrying within your womb. Now, you may have other pregnancies, but you will never get the opportunity again to carry and birth the child that is within you right now, so you might as well go full out!
Mamas-to-Be, it is so important for you to set the intention to have the birth that you truly want. Just like this young woman, she had been given my card 6 months before she was due and she did nothing with it. She did not even bother to look at the website. I felt her regret through the tears she shed. I reminded her that her daughter is healthy and all is well. Many times, we are being given a lifeline we don't even know we need. We must begin to pay attention when things are suggested or given to us. It could be the opportunity that we didn't even know we were looking for!
If you find yourself reading this blog and have the same concerns, I invite you to take a leap of faith! Wherever you may live in the world, find a doula near you that you resonate with and allow her to support you! Make a choice based from your heart and soul and not from your pocketbook. You NEED to be, you MUST be and you DESERVE to be fully supported during your labor and child's birth. Nothing less will do! When a woman is in labor, she is birthing from her heart and soul, not her purse or wallet. Many women choose a birth doula based solely on their finances. Their heart (their intuition) may have communicated to them, "Yes! that is the doula for me!" But, in her fear-based thinking, she cannot get past the money or communicate effectively enough to her partner, the importance of having a doula at their child's birth. Every woman wants to give birth knowing she is fully supported emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. (If you have a family member, friend who can hold space for you as you give birth and they are able to not make the birth about them, Excellent!)
This young woman further shared with me how her husband was exhausted, getting impatient with the nurses and was stressing out toward the end because he wanted his wife to experience a natural birth, which is what they both wanted. I shared with her that when a doula is present, the man/partner gets a much needed nap or naps! Your partner will then be more rested and fully present for you and your child.
As a doula, I stand with you, pregnant mama-to-be! I stand with your unborn child, I stand with your husband or partner, I stand with the grandparents, I stand with the aunts, uncles and cousins, I hold a space of prayer and love for your entire family as the next generation is birthed. This is my passion, it is my calling, it is what I do. Pregnant mama, even though I may not know you, and for those I do know, I hold you in an embrace that you may not have even been fully aware of what you need now is a third person present at your birth that supports you, your partner and your child coming into this world.
Now... go find yourself a doula to support you! After reading this, you can never say again, you did not know. Best of luck to you!
Now... with that said, not every woman will need a doula. There are women out there who are up on their pregnancy from beginning to end. These are the women holding space for themselves and you. Work it out warrior woman!!