I was completely convinced that I could have a natural birth. However, I was not completely convinced that I would have a natural birth. I tried to go into it with an open mind, because if I was unable to have a natural birth due to things out of my control, I did not want to set myself up for disappointment or regret. I was 100% committed to trying to have a natural birth and doing everything possible to make it happen.
Everything for me was my breath. I kept my eyes closed and tried to block out everything around me, while being completely in touch with everything at the same time. I was always aware of my surroundings, and spoke up for what I needed (either quietly or verbally). But my focus was on my breath and only my breath. There were no words or thoughts, just breath. When I had thoughts (be they positive or negative), I just let them pass and tried to bring my focus back to my breath. I did have both positive and negative thoughts. Most of my negative thoughts were before your (my doula's) arrival, when I found out I was only 3cm, and when I was going through transition. These thoughts came from a place of exhaustion and fear. I'm sure you remember all of these time periods. I was able to be less focused in between contractions and I was fine with others speaking during those times, but during the contractions all I wanted to do was focus on my breath and to go into that space. I pulled from a place that was all around me, and within me at the same time. It is hard to put into words. I went to a place I have never been before. It was a place of deep strength, power, and complete serenity. A place of complete surrender and complete focus without focus... if that makes any sense. I think it was dhyana (moments of it anyway).
Dhyana a state of consciousness in which the observer detaches from several qualities of the mind. In this state the mind has become firm and stable and the ability to concentrate is greatly enhanced.