Natural Birth-A New Mama's Experience

A New Mama's Experience of Natural Birth

I was completely convinced that I could have a natural birth.  However, I was not completely convinced that I would have a natural birth.  I tried to go into it with an open mind, because if I was unable to have a natural birth due to things out of my control, I did not want to set myself up for disappointment or regret.  I was 100% committed to trying to have a natural birth and doing everything possible to make it happen.

Everything for me was my breath.  I kept my eyes closed and tried to block out everything around me, while being completely in touch with everything at the same time.  I was always aware of my surroundings, and spoke up for what I needed (either quietly or verbally).  But my focus was on my breath and only my breath.  There were no words or thoughts, just breath.  When I had thoughts (be they positive or negative), I just let them pass and tried to bring my focus back to my breath.  I did have both positive and negative thoughts.  Most of my negative thoughts were before your (my doula's) arrival, when I found out I was only 3cm, and when I was going through transition.  These thoughts came from a place of exhaustion and fear.  I'm sure you remember all of these time periods.  I was able to be less focused in between contractions and I was fine with others speaking during those times, but during the contractions all I wanted to do was focus on my breath and to go into that space.  I pulled from a place that was all around me, and within me at the same time.  It is hard to put into words.  I went to a place I have never been before.  It was a place of deep strength, power, and complete serenity.  A place of complete surrender and complete focus without focus... if that makes any sense.  I think it was dhyana (moments of it anyway). 

Natural childbirth was the most intense experience of deep Love I have ever experienced.  I think everyone can have a natural childbirth, but they have to really want it.  It is unfortunate that our society breeds so much fear into women about childbirth.  I do believe that our bodies are built for bringing babies into the world, however, sometimes the unexpected happens.  I am grateful for western medicine and its ability to save lives.  I do think there are way too many interventions in childbirth, but sometimes they are necessary.  I also think it is unfortunate that women beat themselves up when these interventions are necessary and they are not able to have a natural birth experience.  The most important thing is that both mama and baby are healthy and survive.  I wouldn't change my experience for anything.  I am grateful that my body allowed me to have the experience of a sober, conscious childbirth.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

Dhyana a state of consciousness in which the observer detaches from several qualities of the mind. In this state the mind has become firm and stable and the ability to concentrate is greatly enhanced. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhy%C4%81na_in_Buddhism